She says that "Restlessness-A yearning for change-comes with the midlife territory" and it can be both "...exhilarating and terrifying" depending on how you look at it.
Of course, it feels so much safer just staying put and not making any moves or changes as we age...but, is this always the best way to go? If we are brave enough, change can be liberating. But, taking that first step is always the hardest and many of us find ourselves kind of "stuck" while staying put.
By all of this, I don't mean necessarily making physical moves, like selling our homes and relocating, but attempting small, baby step moves to get ourselves out of a rut....or to help us to move on.
This can be a time of reevaluating our work, our friendships, our love relationships, our activities, our choices and, especially, our priorities. In a way, I see it as lightening our load a bit as we get older. Ms. Levine says, "We hold on to lots of junk-in our attics, in our memories, and in our hearts. Moving forward is easier if you are traveling light." I couldn't agree more....but, it isn't always easy letting go.
After going through my divorce following 31 years of marriage, I continued to see myself through the eyes of a married lady. After all, I had been in that role for more than 2/3 of my life! Making that transition to single life again in my 50's was daunting at best. I found that, in time, I was able to make peace with it all and even come through it with a sense of renewal. That is certainly not to take away from the intense pain that occurs when a marriage ends, but once you find it in your heart to recognize that you really had grown apart and needed to go your separate ways, it really can be freeing. Once I allowed myself to accept certain things, let go of any anger or regrets, accept my responsibility in it all, and truly forgive my spouse, as well as myself....I was then able to truly move on with a lightened load. The result of that is a friendship of sorts with my "wusband" (another word for ex-husband!) of many years and the ability to appreciate what we had together.
This is actually a great time of life, if you can get past some of the eventual aches and pains that may come with aging. We now have a chance to make peace with our past selves and become the person that we want to be. If we were the "social queen" before, we can now enjoy being a bit reclusive...or, we can reinvent different aspects of who we once were...and emerge with a whole new persona that is truer to what we are feeling now. How liberating!
Midlife can also be a wonderful time to learn to put ourselves first. For so many of us, much of our lives were spent taking care of others...and, happily so. But, now we can actually take care of our own needs without feeling any guilt. We certainly have earned that by now, don't you think?
And, we learn so much on this journey into our "later years". We learn that we can be alone without being lonely. Some of our past fears can be looked at dead on as we find resolution. Frantically having to get things done can be replaced with a sense of calm if we so choose. I guess that the key word here is "choices"...We now have the power to make decisions based on our learned life skills. How wonderful to hold that kind of wisdom within ourselves.
Part of this path of midlife is full of surprises....we surprise not only the people who know us, but we actually end up surprising ourselves!
The author ends the article with this:
"The restless curiosity that can be so unsettling during this transition is part of a growing imperative to sort out who you are becoming from who you have been. It is a drive for authenticity. The goal, as Judy Garland reportedly said, is to 'Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of somebody else.' The trip begins with your first authentic, self-certified act, large or small. Your butterfly awaits."
Now, all of you fellow baby boomers....go and break out of your rut and surprise yourself!
...and, have a good day! : )
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