connections.....

Lazily opening my eyes this morning, I was greeted by the impatient stare of two green eyes that seemed to be saying to me, "It's about time!"....Gizmo lays on the same spot on my bed every day as she awaits my 'awakening'. The routine is that I usually rub her head for a few minutes and then cup her little face with my warm hand as she begins to blissfully purr. We make this connection daily without fail. Our repetitive routine made me think about the importance of connections in our lives.

From birth on, we all have a basic need to 'belong'....to be a part of something greater than ourselves. We go through life seeking out these connections to help us feel grounded and loved. You always hear the expression "There was a hole inside of me that needed to be filled"....this is our quest for a connection. Individually, we make the choice as to how that empty space can be filled. Some people try to fill it with excesses: too much work....over-eating.....liquor....drugs...shopping, etc. Trying to be 'filled' and satisfied becomes an addiction that feeds on itself and becomes a continual struggle...with less than positive (and sometimes destructive) results. Instead of truly connecting, we actually distance ourselves further from that elusive need. It is something that we can easily observe when it is happening to someone else...but what about our own connections? And, are we ever totally linked with something or someone....or are we all basically on our own?

Sometime after my divorce I remember the feeling of total disconnect. Much of it was my choice....yet some of it was involuntary. The world seemed filled with happy couples who were forever connected and I was just kind of floating out there without anything or anyone to keep me 'anchored'. I remember that frenetic feeling of needing that immediate connection....

Learning to find my way on my own has been empowering...I have gotten better at being on my own....but, along the way on my journey, I have also recognized and accepted the fact that I am the type of person who likes, and needs, to be connected with others. Whether it is the person checking me out at the grocery store or a dear friend, I am energized by having these connections.

Having Dave in my life these last few years has been comforting, in that I find the companionship...(and the connection that I so desire), in our relationship. It has also been challenging, as I try to balance my strong need for 'connection' with becoming an independent woman making it on her own. That is a continual struggle for me.

I do know that I am definitely the antithesis of a loner...and I guess that truth be known....like my cat, I just want someone to cup my face in their hands and keep me warm.