The show highlighted two young children's emotions as they experienced having had their mother leave the family and then divorce their father. The raw emotions expressed by these kids was so heartbreaking to watch. They were filled with so much confusion, anger, hurt, and, most especially, sadness.
Before the credits rolled at the end of the show, I was in tears.
Even though almost six years have gone by since my divorce, I still worry about the its long-term affects on my two boys...and this show brought up a lot of those fears.
They were both in their 20's when their dad and I had to give them the devastating news about our split. And, devastating, it was...especially after our having been married for 31 years.I can still remember the feelings of despair that followed our telling them. My oldest son and his wife lived in Atlanta at the time, so we drove over there to talk to them in person. It wasn't as easy getting the news to my youngest son as he and his then girlfriend (and now wife!) had been trekking in Nepal. Those moments will be forever ingrained in my memory...as I am sure it will be in theirs.
The important thing to remember was that we did deal with all of this as a family. "Family" was the one thing that we would always be no matter what the cirmcumstances. The fact that their dad and I brought them into this world through our love for each other will remain a constant always.
And, it still is to this day.Life goes on and we have each found our own way through this maze of emotions that come with a divorce...and, we have survived. That is not to say that it has been an easy journey. It is not, but it has also been a time of closeness and discovery about, not only each other, but ourselves.
Communication to me is the key. I am grateful that my children and I can talk openly about our feelings and we do quite often. We have all gone through a lot of growing up and unearthing of our authentic selves through this process. I have stated before that allowing yourself to be real around your children is so freeing. Letting them see some of your frailities and weaknesses as well as your strengths is important. We sometimes put our parents high up on a pedestal and it can be so frightening to find out that they are not that ideal of perfection that we once thought.
To me, one of the most important gifts that I can give to my children is the fact that, just like them, I am merely human with fears, hopes, dreams, disappointments, joys, flaws, and needs inside. To be accepted in this way leads the way to strength, great understanding and growth; and makes room for love to flourish.
And, when you think about it, isn't our LOVE what we really want our children to feel from us most of all?
3 comments:
I'm sorry I missed her show. I usually look to see who or what she has on but for some reason I didn't yesterday.
I just ran into a lady I taught with years ago at our elementary school. She was at the bakery in the local grocery and waved to me. I went over to speak to her because I hadn't seen her in quite some time. She was there ordering a cake for her daughter's baby shower, and then she told me she was taking her name back. She and her husband divorced a year ago after 32 years of marriage. She said, Beverly, I have had to go into therapy.
His two daughters will have nothing to do with him. He gets the dog every other weekend. So sad. My heart aches for her.
You sound like you have been able to deal better, from what little I've read. That's a tough one.
As I said to her, in a way death is easier. It's final. The person isn't there any more. There are no ugly reminders.
Don't you have any new photos of Owen? It's been at least a month. :-)
That is very sad about your friend's ex's disconnect from the kids...
My boys continue with their close relationships with their dad...and I encourage it wholeheartedly.
Death and divorce are both tremendous losses in life...But, I have heard many people say through the years that in losing someone through death...the closure is forced upon you...and, in many years can be "easier". Like I said, they are both painful losses.
I know that you know this only too well, Beverly.
As far as photos of my dear Owen...his mom and dad have been out of town for a couple of weddings in the last month and haven't been able to get any new photos to me yet. I have put in a request however. : )
One reason there has been so much hurt in my friend's daughters' lives is that when they were teens, their father required such accountability from them, and then when he was unfaithful and did stuff, it turned them against them. Yes, it is sad. It is so good that your children can maintain a good relationship with both parents.
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