Sunday, September 11, 2011
"Where were you on 9/11/2001?"
It is very difficult to revisit those days for so many reasons...
First and foremost was the horrific devastation and loss of life that my country was experiencing. I was a proud American and I watched my wonderful country being attacked by individuals who were willing to die in the process of killing others. Senseless! How can one wrap their mind around such hatred? My naivete and my rose-colored glasses were shattered.
Like so many other people, I remember sitting and watching this unbelievable story unfold in my living room in front of my television. I probably sat transfixed for most of the day as I could not seem to do anything else and found myself unable to walk away from the tv. I had to decide later whether this new decade of technology where we could view wars, etc.etc. as they were happening was a good thing or not? Having instant access to the world we live in carries its difficulties for sure. But, nonetheless, these 9/11 attacks were being recorded and sent via the airways to our homes in real time whether we liked it or not.
I so vividly recall the faces. The horror stricken looks on the people as they ran from the collapsing buildings....their faces covered with white and gray ash, making them look almost ghost like.
I sat wondering how anyone could survive this tragedy which was unlike anything that I had ever known in my lifetime. I remember feeling so shocked and alone and heartbroken.
Like the World Trade Tower buildings, my own personal life was crumbling around me, too. Just a few days before, I was in conversations with my then husband of 31 years about ending our marriage. I was so frightened for what lie ahead for us. I was so alone in my thoughts and fears. Without any family living nearby, I relied on a handful of friends to help me get through those dark days.
My ex was working on that 11th day of September in Montgomery, AL. and he would not be coming home until the next day. Even as the world was seemingly falling apart, he was going to continue with his mediation until it was finished. I was alone in every sense of the word.
Today, 10 years after that day, I can still remember those feelings like they were yesterday...
As time went by, I read the heroic stories of people who were trapped in those buildings....or in the Pentagon....or on the four airplane flights that were used as such cruel and destructive weapons. I have watched stories of the survivors and how they have managed to move on with their lives in spite of what occurred. I have cried tears as I listened to the family's struggles as they mourned the loss of loved ones.
But, the human spirit is an amazing thing. When things are at their very lowest, we dig deep down inside and seem to be able to find the strength to go on. One step at a time.....one day at a time.
So, here I sit, ten years after my divorce.
I, too, have had to reach into places in my head and heart that I did not think were possible to reach. I have grown so much. I have learned to forgive, but not forget. I have learned that I am capable of doing so much more on my own than I ever thought I could. I have cried tears until I no longer could. I have let go of anger. In doing this, I have found countless joys along the way....I have been enriched by my children and precious grandchildren....and amazed by the love of family and dear friends.
I have rebuilt my life one little step at a time....and, like the rest of the world, I am hopeful for a future filled with love, joy, and, most of all, peace. God-willing, my grandchildren will never have to observe anything like what occurred to my country 10 years ago.
My rose-colored glasses are back on.....I have peace in my heart....and, I wish that for all of you, today and always.