Joyous Occasions and Divorce

A couple of my friends have encouraged me to post some of my feelings on this topic. At first I was hesitant because of the personal nature of it all...but was convinced when I was told that my words might help others who find themselves in the same, or similar situations.

Celebrating joyous family occasions together can be a bit complicated when you are divorced. Owen's recent birth was one of those special events that put me and my ex together with other family members.

While I have only been divorced for the last 4 + years...the ending occurred after a long-term marriage of 31 years...making the recovery all the more difficult.

I would be lying if I didn't say that the divorce and its aftermath weren't a time of great sadness and tears. It was, and then some. I went through all kinds of emotions...starting with denial, anger, confusion, shock, pain, hurt, numbness, grief, etc........all the way to acceptance. I had to give myself permission to find my way to the 'acceptance' part, as it wasn't an easy step to take.

The first family occasion that I faced was my youngest son's wedding a little over a year after the divorce was finalized. My ex was there with his new wife and all of his family. I kept focusing on my son and new daughter-in-law and this celebration of their love. It was such a momentous event for both families as Jeffrey and Janet became man and wife and I wasn't going to let the newness of my divorce get in the way.

Truth be told, as I look back on that weekend....I had a wonderful time....but I was probably in a bit of a fog...I made it through with the help of loving, supportive friends and family. It was a joyous celebration and I did not want any of my 'discomfort' to show through and take away any of the elation.

Now flash forward to Owen's birth several year's later.

Again, a family celebration and another opportunity to spend time with my ex as we shared this incredible passage in our lives and our children's.

In moving on with my life post-divorce, I had made the commitment to always put my children first concerning the divorce. After all, it had nothing to do with them...in fact, they were the most wonderful product of our long-term marriage. While my ex and I may have grown apart through the years, looking back, I have happy memories of a very loving marriage and an amazing family.

Time has healed some of my wounded spirit and I have made my reentry as a stronger and better person because of it all. Taking this energy, I made a promise to be able to look at my ex as an important part of my past life and find a way to truly and authentically share the joys of our being parents together always. I wanted to do this, not only for my children, but for myself.

I see some people who never let go of that anger and hurt and cannot be in the same room as their ex. Why? It is not going to change anything....and it will end up being hurtful to them, and others, in the long run.

I found that it took the same amount of energy to let go and be happy that it did to keep antagonistic feelings inside. So, I made the choice to be happy.

My ex and I will always be Adam and Jeffrey's parents and being able to celebrate together as a family in a pleasant, loving way is great. I wouldn't have it any other way. Life is too short and too important to stay stuck in sadness.

So, the occasion of our first grandson's birth was enhanced by the fact that the two grandparents were there, openly and honestly, commemorating the Circle of Life together....and, most importantly honoring the children that they brought into this world together with love.