"But she was just a pet...." many well-meaning people express to me as I continue to grieve the loss of my cat, Gizmo.
Yes, my cat was my "pet" for 18 years...
But, she was so much more.... as all of you pet owners/lovers can understand.
She was a warm body to come home to.
She was someone I could communicate with when no one else was around. I used to think, "If Gizmo ever figured out how to talk....oh, the stories she could tell!".
She was a part of my family and I will continue to miss her.
I still go downstairs occasionally to check her food and water dishes...and I still look for her to be lying on her favorite purple blanket up in my bedroom....I check out the areas of the house where she would find a little bit of sunshine coming through and nestle down to enjoy it.....and I wait for her to hop up on the bed at night when I go to sleep....momentarily forgetting that she is gone.
With all of this being said, there have been some humorous moments interspersed with the extremely touching moments of the past few days.
When Dave arrived to pick us up before heading to the clinic, he wanted to take Gizmo outside to the backyard one more time. She loved being outside and her romps through the backyard had to be curtailed as she became deaf and ill. So, we took her out there in the 100+ temperatures (!) and let her take one last look. He even pulled out some green grass for her to chew on. It was very touching to us.....but Gizmo probably thought that we were crazy going out in such oppressive heat.
Once we got in his car I held her on the purple blanket. With the air-conditioning blasting, she really perked up as she lifted her head and began breathing in the cool air. Just as we were relishing these last moments with her, we suddenly began to smell something. After the usual, "Was that you?", "No, was that you?'...we realized that one of the last memories that Giz was going to leave us with was for her to pass gas in the car. Through our emotions, we were able to have a laugh as we rolled the windows down to air out the car!
Another poignant moment for me was at the clinic when we laid the purple blanket down for her to be on. Dave grabbed a pair of scissors that were nearby and cut off a section of the blanket for me to have. The humor part came about when the doctor walked in and Dave asked if this large, purple blanket could be "cremated" with her. Probably one of the stranger requests, but sincerely meant, nonetheless.
As we began walking out of the clinic, there were some black and white kittens that were in a large cage waiting to be adopted. We both walked over to see these precious babies. Suddenly, from behind one of the black and white kittens came one that had Gizmo's brown coloring. We gasped as we saw this "minnie me" version of my cat that had just been put to sleep. It actually gave us a comforting feeling and reminded us that "life does go on".
Yesterday I received the phone call that her ashes were ready to be picked up. Earlier, after being shown the urns and wooden boxes that the ashes could come in, I chose not to use any of these...but, instead to make something special out of my clay for this purpose. This was written on the cremation form. So, when I went to pick her ashes up, they were just in a ziplock bag! It felt very strange walking out (and crying) with a little bag of ashes. I realize now why they put the ashes in urns!
A dear friend told me that when she brought her dog's ashes into her house there was an incredibly soothing energy that enveloped the house. As I temporarily placed the bag on a shelf, I awaited that energy to show itself. Twenty-four hours later....still not feeling it. In fact, I get an eery feeling whenever I walk past the ashes.
With this in mind, I discussed an idea that I had with Dave and he readily
agreed with me.
Since Giz loved the sunshine and being outside in the backyard so much, we are going to ceremoniously spread her ashes all around the periphery of the yard and then plant some flowers in those areas.
A loving tribute to my dear
"just a pet" Gizmo...
: )
